Bill's Comments

The terms Pride and Humility as normally used are often taken as opposites. However, I believe that this is incorrect, and that they should be taken as complementary attributes. I think this misuse stems from a combination of envy of the accomplished and misinterpretation of the teachings of Jesus.

When we hear the term Pride we most often think in terms of arrogance, self-aggrandizement, hubris, hauteur, snobbishness, etc. Pride is constantly castigated—“Pride goeth before a fall”, “Brag always was a good dog”, “Don’t break your arm [patting yourself on the back]”, “Don’t blow your own horn”. Pride is listed as the first of the seven deadly sins, Pride, Envy, Anger, Covetousness, Gluttony, Lust, and Sloth.

Yet, the same people that disparage Pride will accept the concept of pride in one’s work, or pride in one’s family. It’s OK to be proud of someone or something else, but not of oneself. To deny someone the expression of well-earned self-satisfaction expressed as pride in an accomplishment is to deny reality. It is a way of destroying accomplishment and the desire to accomplish. When one accomplishes something difficult and worthy of note, the person doing the thing is the one to know most of what it took to do it. That person knows the false steps, the correction of errors of oneself and others, the blind alleys, the sudden insights, everything it took to reach the final goal. Knowing that struggle, they have the right to place it in perspective and take pride as a personal emotional payoff.

The problem with Pride is that it has become a rubber-band word and has been stretched to cover meanings that other words represent better. Most of these meanings are subsumed under some form of excessive Pride. Pride is an attitude and belief in oneself that says “I am a worthy person”. True Pride is based on past achievement and living. It does not grow from other people’s praise. The praise of other people is of value only when it corroborates what one already believes about oneself. Pride must be based in reality. One cannot be justifiably proud of an accomplishment unless it was a true challenge to achieve. In effect, Pride is a way of saying, “I am THIS good.”

Humility, the quality of being humble, is seen as a good or desirable quality. Yet it is used to describe situations of self-abnegation, self-denigration, victimhood, self-denial, withdrawal, refusal to contest any challenge. It is done with a certain implied arrogance, often—“he’s such a nice, simple person”, “He’s so humble, he won’t take credit for anything”, “that will give him a dose of humility”. Humility is considered a virtue. The largest part of the Sermon on the Mount is addressed to people that would be considered humble. However, I think that this passage is often construed to indicate that only the humble and victims are blessed and one should strive to be in that position. When Jesus was addressing those who were downtrodden and victims, he was trying to offer them consolation in an environment that kicked them when they were down.

But rather than being truly situations of humility, these are a putting down, and destruction of a person. It is almost as if humility is desired so that the humble person will not be a challenge or threat. The so-called humble person in this situation knows the self-hatred, the anger at others, the embarrassment, all the negative feelings that go with this label. Again we have a distortion of reality. The person is seen as less than they are.

True humility is an acceptance of limits. It is the ability to realize that one is not perfect or even close. It does not deny one’s value or worth however. It is the refusal to accept the undeserved, the unearned. It adds a phrase to the statement of Pride, “but ONLY this good.”

Self-confidence is the ability to feel comfortable tackling difficult and new tasks or problems. But to arrive at that feeling and self-appraisal, one has to have had accomplishments, hence Pride, but also had to have learned to deal with mistakes and limits, hence Humility. Thus the two are complementary not opposites. The confident person has both Pride and Humility, and they are in balance not conflict.